Steven F. Freeman

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Corporations - Human Resources

page last modified: 08/06/2017

Recruiting

There once was a human resource manager who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. When she passed, away, she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. Strangely enough, we've never once had a human resource manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."  He paused. "It was decided from up high that we're going to let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend eternity in."

"Actually," she said, "I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven"

"Sorry, I'd like to, but we have rules...". And with that St. Peter put the human resource manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow human resource managers that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.

They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.

The human resource manager was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven."

So the human resource manager spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She liked it fine, but when St. Peter came and got her and asked her to choose her eternity, she paused for a second and replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So, St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the human resource manager went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the human resource manager, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil smiled at her and said, "That's because yesterday we were recruiting you, but today you're staff."

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