Pregnant?
Hillary went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape, and congratulated her on her pregnancy. She argued that she couldn't possibly be pregnant, but the doctor gave her a due date 8 months in the future. She stormed out of the office, went to the receptionist’s desk, grabbed the phone and called the White House.
When she finally got through the red tape and had Bill on the phone, she shouted, "You dirty bastard, you got me pregnant."
Dead silence on the other end of the line. After a few seconds, she yelled even louder, "You dirty bastard, you got me pregnant. What have you got to say for yourself?"
Finally Bill cautiously replied, "Who is this?"
Sinking ship
Former Presidents Clinton, Nixon and Carter are on a sinking ship. As the boat sinks, Carter shouts, Save the women!
... Nixon mutters, Screw the women!
... Clinton overhears and asks excitedly, Do we have time?
(Simpler times Before Trump)
Clinton and Gore
Clinton and Gore are sitting around in the oval office, shooting the breeze. After a while the Lewinsky situation came up. Gore says, You know Bill, I just think we have different mindsets about things. I never even slept with Tipper before we got married. I'm sure you didn't wait, though, did you?
Clinton paused and thought, then said, Honestly, Al, I don't even remember. What was her maiden name again?
Morning Jog
Bill is out on his morning jog when he sees a hooker. Passing her he says, 20 bucks.
"No way," she answers.
The following morning Bill is jogging with Hillary. As they pass the same hooker on the street she says: See what you get for 20 bucks?
Anniversary
When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash.
After dinner, Hillary could not contain her guilt and confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess that after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but reflected, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the number of years we've been together."
They hugged and made their peace. A little while later, Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
Steven F. Freeman