Steven F. Freeman

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Hu's on First

page last modified: 04/06/2018
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
Shrub: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Shrub: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
Shrub: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
Shrub: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
Shrub: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
Shrub: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
Shrub: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
Shrub: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
Shrub: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
Shrub: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
Shrub: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
Shrub: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Shrub: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
Shrub: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Shrub: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
Shrub: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Shrub: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
Shrub: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
Shrub: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
Shrub: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
Shrub: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
Shrub: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
Shrub: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
Shrub: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
Shrub: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
Shrub: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
Shrub: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
Shrub: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
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